so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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