Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
