I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize