Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize