We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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