Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
