new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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