i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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