dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
