Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
