i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
