fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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