Rock
Scissors
Fuck
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
