i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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