Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
