Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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