is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
