life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
