There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
