didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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