I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
