dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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