Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Drunk is a universal language darling
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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