Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
