i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
