i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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