The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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