Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
