i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish i was in the wii world.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
