Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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