fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
