You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize