dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
