Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
