I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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