I bet he comes in French.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
