God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
