she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
