it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
