when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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