remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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