i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
