I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
