apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
