Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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