Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
