Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize