Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize