Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
