Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
