first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
