You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
