I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
