i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
