ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
