it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
