You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
