yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
