First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
