last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
