when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
