Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
