If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a beard to bite.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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