false alarm. still invincible.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
