I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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